Mel Sykes On A Gondola?

I have spent my last three outings on the lower Irwell close to the city centre and blanked on each occasion. My intention has been to have a crack at some of the roach which shoal up in the city centre during the winter months. Bags of 60lbs of roach have been common during the last few winters, but this winter has been something of a disappointment as far.
Undeterred by rumours that the river has been "Cormoranted Out" i have attempted three usually productive swims using 3 different tactics, (stick, feeder and waggler). End result not even 1 bite in 10 hours fishing.
Next weekend is the last chance i will get to fish the Irwell until the season re-starts on June the 16th so am going to give it one last try opposite the Lowry Hotel and i will then be able to find out if patience is to be rewarded - or i am just a chump fishing water devoid of fish.
At i get into my feed, cast, trim, feed, reel in trance, my mind might wander to a dream about Melanie Sykes coming down the river on her gondola, delivering me a pint of Manchesters finest! What a girl - now that would be suitable compensation for 4 consecutive blanks:)